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Golden Retriever Songs (41:15)
(©2004 Heather T. Strong & Kate Connick)

golden retriever cd

Visit Soundclick to listen to the songs online or to purchase this cd.


The Pizza
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

Cheese stretches to the breaking point.
Grease drips down my wrist.
Every bite of pizza
Delights with utter bliss.

Tomato and oregano,
Sausage and mushroom -
But I am not alone in this.
A presence starts to loom.

I feel it all around me.
Ominous and quiet.
A dark brown set of eyes home in.
They've caught me break my diet!

I hear familiar patter.
My Golden, old yet daring.
Her eyes, they challenge my resolve.
They ask me if I'm sharing

This blonde aint dumb,
No way, no how.
I'm wrapped around her paws.
I have no more self control
Than a toy held in her jaws.

Oh go away, you mooching dog.
Pizza's not for a retriever.
She listens but she disregards.
My words do not deceive her.

Paws shuffle as she inches close;
Head rests beside my chair.
Those soft brown eyes are pleading,
"Poor me! I shall despair!"

She raises eyebrows, whimpers.
But I refuse to budge.
Puts a paw smack in my lap,
Uses her nose to nudge.

I pet her with my left hand.
In my right, I hold a slice.
Suddenly I'm feeling
Anything but nice.

This blonde aint dumb,
No way, no how.
I'm wrapped around her paws.
I have no more self control
Than a toy held in her jaws.

I offer up a piece of crust.
I won't miss that, I reckon.
She gulps it down, then bats her eyes.
"I want the rest," they beckon.

First a sausage, then a 'shroom.
Oh what the heck, some cheese.
Nothing left but napkins.
She has no use for these.

She's downs the whole darn pizza,
I watch each slice depart.
Helpless, I just can't say no.
I haven't got the heart.

Hundreds spent on classes,
Never taught her to obey.
But she keeps me on my diet,
So that makes it okay.

This blonde aint dumb,
No way, no how.
I'm wrapped around her paws.
I have no more self control
Than a toy held in her jaws.

The vet scolds me that she's getting plump,
But I am not to blame.
A Golden's pleading pizza eyes
Could put anyone to shame.

This blonde aint dumb,
No way, no how.
I'm wrapped around her paws.
I have no more self control
Than a toy held in her jaws.


Pot of Gold
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

I want a great, big, furry tail
That swings with forceful joy.
A broad and panting smile
And jaws that hold a toy.

I don't need a status symbol.
I don't need a guard.
Don't want a dog to breed from
Or chain out in the yard.

I'll take a muddy paw or four,
Even on my clothes.
Tumbleweeds of fallen hair
Are okay, I suppose.

Have you got the one for me?
A dog to meet my needs.
Choices are not easy.
There are so many breeds.

Find that pot of gold.
Indeed it is a treasure.
When the match is right,
A Golden is a pleasure.

I don't need a specialist,
An expert or a pro.
Don't need to perch a pedestal
Or strut 'round in a show.

I just want a family
That wants to keep me near,
Won't tire of my company
And make me disappear.

I'm forgiving of a novice,
Fine with kids and such.
Some exercise and brushing -
I don't ask for much.

Have you got the one for me?
A home to meet my needs.
I will make them happy
I am the best of breeds.

Find that pot of gold.
Indeed it is a treasure.
When the match is right,
A Golden is a pleasure.


Untrained Pup
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

I live next door to the McKays.
Their Golden set me craving.
I longed to have a dog like her,
So sweet and well-behaving.

They spy me in the puppy store.
Just browsing, I insist.
They try to talk some sense at me,
"Don't do it," they persist.

Pups are cute, but not for long.
Soon they grow too big and strong,
Learn bad habits, play too rough,
End up breaking all your stuff.
You need to take the time to train.
This isn't about vanity.
A Golden with no education
Will rob you of your sanity.

In one ear and in thin air;
Their words were put to waste.
Advice is never well received
When one is moved by haste.
Visions of my new dog
Snoring by the fire.
Driven by sweet fantasy,
I become a puppy buyer.

Pups are cute, but not for long.
Soon they grow too big and strong,
Learn bad habits, play too rough,
End up breaking all your stuff.
You need to take the time to train.
This isn't about vanity.
A Golden with no education
Will rob you of your sanity.

Furniture in tatters,
Urine my perfume.
This golden, hairy pac-man
Thinks home is his bathroom.

My arm's 6-inches longer.
He's chewed my hands all up.
This isn't even close
To how I'd pictured my new pup.

Pups are cute, but not for long.
Soon they grow too big and strong,
Learn bad habits, play too rough,
End up breaking all your stuff.
You need to take the time to train.
This isn't about vanity.
A Golden with no education
Will rob you of your sanity.

It occurs to me, my neighbor's words
May have held the truth.
Pups require guidance.
Mine is living proof.

I face an uphill journey.
A dog takes time, I've learned.
A model canine citizen
Is something to be earned.

Pups are cute, but not for long.
Soon they grow too big and strong,
Learn bad habits, play too rough,
End up breaking all your stuff.
You need to take the time to train.
This isn't about vanity.
A Golden with no education
Will rob you of your sanity.


For Adoption
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

I said a prayer to St. Bernard.
He turns lost into found.
I languish in this prison cell
At the local pound.

A Golden out there needs you.
She's past the puppy stage.
Heart heavy now and lonely,
Abandoned in her cage.
Breeders are one way to go,
But don't forget adoption.
One thoughtless person's discard
Might be your winning option.

My first home said they loved me,
But not enough, I fear.
When other interests took their time,
They chose to leave me here.

They never taught me manners.
I jump and pull on lead.
I tear up sofa cushions,
And run away at speed.

Whenever someone greets me,
I end up being told,
"You're sweet but mighty stinky,
And really just too old."

A Golden out there needs you.
She's past the puppy stage.
Heart heavy now and lonely,
Abandoned in her cage.
Breeders are one way to go,
But don't forget adoption.
One thoughtless person's discard
Might be your winning option.

And so I wait and hope and pray,
Not giving in just yet.
I've heard rumors of a miracle
They call the Internet.

Find a date, a quote, cheap pills,
Or maybe a stray pup.
I keep hoping that the timing's right
And someone looks me up.

Delete the spam, bypass the porn.
This is your reminder.
Go find your new retriever
From the listings on Petfinder.

A Golden out there needs you.
She's past the puppy stage.
Heart heavy now and lonely,
Abandoned in her cage.
Breeders are one way to go,
But don't forget adoption.
One thoughtless person's discard
Might be your winning option.


Golden Rule
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

As a kid, I learned the golden rule.
The pastor taught us after school.
Do unto others, he would chide.
I thought him foolish, I'll confide.

I've grown and learned along the way.
Wonder where that reverend is today.
His lessons finally realized;
Transferred through my dog's soft eyes.

Treat me kindly.
Teach me well.
In you, I place my trust.
I love you with abandon.
I've faith your heart is just.

A patient man, I've never been.
No stranger to an angry sin.
The first chewed shoe ruined my day.
And I was gonna make her pay.

She tucked her tail at the first whack.
Calmly braced for the attack.
My rage met with her gentle eyes,
And suddenly I realized

Treat me kindly.
Teach me well.
In you, I place my trust.
I love you with abandon.
I've faith your heart is just.

She always greets me with great cheer,
Loves to snuggle with me near.
Never gripes when I'm flat broke,
Just nudges for another stroke.

Likes my family and my friends,
Would like me even in Depends.
To be like her, at last I yearned.
She freely gives pure love unearned.

Treat me kindly.
Teach me well.
In you, I place my trust.
I love you with abandon.
I've faith your heart is just.

Ironic that life's real teacher
Was just a dog and not my preacher.
A humble dog, all colored gold
Saved me 'fore I grew too old.

Do unto others, now I strive.
My moral side has come alive.
I've learned the golden rule indeed.
This golden rules me with her creed.

Treat me kindly.
Teach me well.
In you, I place my trust.
I love you with abandon.
I've faith your heart is just.


Invest in Gold
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

Invest in gold, my broker said,
So an idea popped in my head.
His name is Max; he's colored gold.
He is only 10 weeks old.

Financial futures - where it's at.
I don't know squat about all that.
Growth's assured with this gold pup.
His value's going up, up, up.

Gold coin, gold brick, gold ore -
Always wanting more.
Never sated, always driving,
Clamoring, conniving, striving.
My gold has a different filling:
A heart and soul, and I am willing
To bank on that return.

I'll deposit time and care.
The dividends I hope to share
Will be a dog pure as a dove
That only multiplies my love.

My broker warns me it will cost.
Bound to be one great big loss.
But bonds and stocks - an empty bet
When compared to what I'll get.

Gold coin, gold brick, gold ore -
Always wanting more.
Never sated, always driving,
Clamoring, conniving, striving.
My gold has a different filling:
A heart and soul, and I am willing
To bank on that return.


All That Glitters
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

If she were a person,
What job would she take?
Would she drive a pickup truck
And live beside a lake?

I see my golden cooing,
"How may I help you?"
Assisting little patrons
At a children's petting zoo.

Or maybe in a cafe
Since food really is her thing.
She'd smile and mean it
With every meal she'd bring.

A career in nursing -
That would be her speed.
Nurturing others
Is part of her breed.

An L.L. Bean model,
This rugged, pretty blonde.
Or a hunt guide out scouting
The ducks on a pond.

The magic of my dog
Is her potential skill.
So many different roles
That this dog could fill.

All that glitters isn't gold,
But a golden's got ability
To sparkle in so many ways.
Behold the versatility.
If you've got a job to do,
She's got the capability.

Although she's not a person,
Sometimes I forget.
She is much more talented
Than most people I have met.

Her brother is a guide dog,
Helps a lady without sight.
Sister is a therapy dog;
Brings old folks great delight.

Niece is a rescue dog,
Found a family in the rubble.
Nephew, he eats houseplants
And gets himself in trouble.

Father holds the record
For mallards in the oven.
And my big, happy golden
Is a specialist as lovin'.

Mom has fancy titles -
Obedience, agility, tracking,
Calculus, philosophy,
Advanced computer hacking.

Every family member
Is really quite the whiz.
If my resume was more like theirs,
I could quit this singing biz!

All that glitters isn't gold,
But a golden's got ability
To sparkle in so many ways.
Behold the versatility.
If you've got a job to do,
She's got the capability.


Golden Inspiration
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

In my mirror, self-assessed:
I'm aging, grumpy, poorly dressed.
Beside me lies a beauty queen.
Silky hair, a golden sheen.
With me, she is quite in love.
This gal's the one we all dream of.

Bubbly, cheerful, fun of fun.
To top it off, this blonde aint dumb.
She made me into a believer.
The best dog is a Golden Retriever.

I lost my job and then my wife.
Considered ending my own life.
Fondled lethal, shiny steel.
Interrupted by a strident squeal.
In my lap, she shoved a toy.
Wagged her tail, expressed her joy.

Get lost, dog, I tersely said.
Aimed the barrel at my head.
She never stopped her steady wagging,
Segued into outright nagging.
"Throw my ball, and throw it far.
Take me riding in the car!"

Bubbly, cheerful, fun of fun.
To top it off, this blonde aint dumb.
She made me into a believer.
The best dog is a Golden Retriever.

I gave in, took her to the park,
Threw the ball 'til after dark.
Envy creeped into my mind.
I longed to be one of her kind.
No nagging ex, no bills to pay.
Just frolic each and every day.

And then it hit me like a brick.
I'd been so stupid, been so thick.
I could be more like my Golden.
Drop the worries I'd been holdin'.
Shrug off bad news, quit my whining.
Focus on the silver lining.

Bubbly, cheerful, fun of fun.
To top it off, this blonde aint dumb.
She made me into a believer.
The best dog is a Golden Retriever.

In my mirror, self-assessed.
I realize now that I am blessed.
Beside me likes a beauty queen.
I could have been a smithereen.
She saved me with her joyous love.
And that's the gal we all dream of.


Overachiever
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

I used to have a pointer,
Born with A.D.D.
I swore the next dog that I got
Would have some sanity.

I did all of my research,
Picked a gold retriever:
Docile, friendly, sweet...
And an overachiever.

I like a dog that fetches,
But he is quite obsessive.
Happily, my neighbors
Aren't terribly possessive.

A kong, a ball, a rope, a shoe -
I must bring them all to you.
The news, the phone, a sock, your hat.
Hey look, I've got the neighbor's cat.
My mouth is soft. My drive is strong.
A gift of skunk; is something wrong?

I hate to hurt his feelings.
To please me is his role.
But sometimes getting rid of stuff
Is my intended goal.

I don't want that apple core
Or that well-used tissue.
Good lord, spit out the roadkilled squirrel.
And no, I will not kiss you!

I flip through pet store catalogs.
Muzzles make me grin.
But stopping him from being him
Would really be a sin.

A kong, a ball, a rope, a shoe -
I must bring them all to you.
The news, the phone, a sock, your hat.
Hey look, I've got the neighbor's cat.
My mouth is soft. My drive is strong.
A gift of skunk; is something wrong?


Golden Oldie
(lyrics ©2004 Kate Connick)

The calendar betrays my dog.
So cruel in its measures.
Old timers, few and far between;
Golden oldies are real treasures.

Eyes have gotten cloudy.
Legs, now stiff and slow.
Her pretty silver muzzle
Shimmers like the snow.
She doesn't have much longer,
But she doesn't know.
She doesn't have much longer,
But she doesn't know.

Fetch the paper. Fetch the ball.
Youth can't be retrieved.
Heart is willing, spirit strong.
But time won't be deceived.
It marches on and takes its toll
The wounded heart will grieve.

So many lost too early,
Felled while in their prime.
So lucky, I, to have been blessed
With precious, borrowed time.
She rests beside me on the floor.
This golden dog, I do adore.
Thirteen years, but I want more.
Thirteen years, but I want more.

Fetch the paper. Fetch the ball.
Youth can't be retrieved.
Heart is willing, spirit strong.
But time won't be deceived.
It marches on and takes its toll
The wounded heart will grieve.

This golden dog has come to be
An essential part of me.
The day will come to say goodbye.
I'll curse the gods and ask them why.
If only time could be denied.
If only time could be denied.

Fetch the paper. Fetch the ball.
Youth can't be retrieved.
Heart is willing, spirit strong.
But time won't be deceived.
It marches on and takes its toll
The wounded heart will grieve.
Until it catches up to us,
We will not concede.
Until it catches up to us,
We will not concede.


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